You’re on one end of the rope in a tug-of-war and you’re holding on for dear life. On the other end is a huge monster and it’s trying to pull you into a dark, bottomless pit.
You heave and sweat and pull, but you’re not making any progress. Inch by inch, you’re being pulled to the pit.
Every once in a while, you make some progress but soon the monster has you right back in the same spot again, getting closer to the shadowy hole.
And, in the back of your mind, you realize that you’re not doing anything else but fighting with this monster. You’re not spending time with friends, participating in the activities you love, or anything else enjoyable – you’re spending everything you have to defeat the monster and avoid the pit.
The pit is drawing nearer even though you’re fighting with everything you’ve got. Just when it looks like you’re going to succumb to the monster, a new thought pops into your head and you decide to take a chance.
You drop the rope.
The monster takes a few steps backward and mutters something incomprehensible to itself. The pit is still there, black as ever. The monster is still there.
But now you’re free to go back to doing things you love, things that are meaningful and important to you.
Fighting with our emotions
The monster represents the painful emotions we don’t like: anxiety, anger, depression, sadness. The pit represents our worst fears.
How many times do we get into a tug-of-war with our own emotions? We don’t like anxiety so we try to get rid of it. But all of our efforts to get rid of it just make us engage with it more and it gets worse. (See this past post for more on “trying not to think about things makes us think about them more.”)
We think that anxiety (or anger, depression, sadness, etc.) is going to drag us into some emotional pit that we’ll never get out of – our worst fear! So we naturally pull the other way to not get dragged in.
The problem is, the tighter we hold on and the harder we pull, the more power the emotion has and the more it pulls. Meanwhile, we’re focusing so hard on the emotion that we’re not doing the things that make life meaningful and purposeful for us.
So now we feel even worse.
What to do?
Drop that rope.
Give up the struggle with the emotion. It will still hang around and your worst fear will still be there, but now you’re freed up to live your life like you want to – see your friends, enjoy activities, be in relationship with your loved one, and so on.
You feel anxiety and do the things that are important to you.
You feel sad and participate in a meaningful life.
Don’t wait until you feel better, drop that rope and get into life now. You might just find that those painful feelings don’t have as much room in your life as you pursue the things that give you purpose and value.
The next time you feel yourself caught up in a painful emotion, remind yourself . . .
Drop the rope.
Bonus: for more on this subject, see this article from the archives
Rozita Harun says
Yes, in the struggle with emotions, drop the rope. Leave the painful and hurtful family dramas that draw on your emotions. If possible, use professionals to do their work for you so that you can engage in more uplifting activities. I have an industrial relations case against my former employer. Moved on to gym training, dancing and archery to take the mind off the things that would otherwise taken me to a bottomless pit. Also decided to focus on new fresh ventures.
sampathkumar iyengar says
Great Post. Thanks for the knowledged shares. Emotions Rules / Ruins many a life and has to handled very carefully, sooner we drop the rope, the better
Bobbi says
Thanks, Sampathkumar!
Bobbi says
Hi Rozita, thanks for sharing how you’ve been able to drop the rope and pick up some healthy ways to deal with your stress!