Need more self-esteem? 5 reasons why you really don’t.

“If I only had more self-esteem, I would be completely happy,” my young client declared as we discussed woman hugging herselfher goals for therapy.

Internally, I heaved a big sigh.

“Okay,” I responded, “Let’s explore self-esteem . . .”

What happened to self-esteem’s cred?

Remember when parents and teachers were encouraged to make sure children developed healthy self-esteem? Once regarded as the gold standard of self-improvement goals, self-esteem also has some serious downsides.

What happened to self-esteem’s cred? (more…)

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How to be strong: Grow down

I’ve been thinking about this idea for several months. Usually, posts near the end of the year have to do with reflecting back upon the year that was or talk about planning for how the upcoming year will be bold, wonderful, and groundbreaking for you. I hope your year is bold, wonderful, and groundbreaking for [...]

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7 ways to have more gratitude (and 3 times not to be grateful)

As I write this, we are fast approaching the Thanksgiving holiday here in the States. The season has me thinking about giving thanks and being grateful. It’s pretty well established that gratitude is good for you. Leading gratitude researcher Robert Emmons has found that gratitude leads to stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, more feelings [...]

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How to bounce back even when you’re exhausted

“I made a mistake and I’ve been awake the last two nights worrying about it.” My friend, Valerie, said this the other night as we talked with a woman we consult with, Mary. Valerie made the mistake on an assignment for Mary. “Oh, Valerie! I’m sorry you were so worried about it,” Mary responded, concerned. [...]

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Tunnel vision? 5 ideas to help you see the light

I am the Queen of Tunnel Vision. Case #1: I want to find a branch of my bank near where I’m running errands, so I pull into the parking lot of a small shopping mall and consult my smartphone. It gives me an address that seems very close. I pull out onto the street, make [...]

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Getting on with life despite devastating emotions

When I receive emails from people who are in crisis, most of the time they want to know how they can get rid of the painful emotions they are experiencing. “My son has been arrested for dealing drugs, and I had no idea he even knew about drugs! I’m embarrassed, shocked, ashamed, and angry. How [...]

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How to manage your emotional demons

Imagine you’re on a boat out at sea. You’re alone, except for a pack of scary demons hiding below the deck. As long as you keep floating around on the open sea, they stay below deck and you feel okay—for the most part.  Except for that nagging feeling that there are frightening creatures just out [...]

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How to unhook from negative thoughts

Which of the following sounds better to you? A. “I go to this job because there’s no way anyone would hire me somewhere else.” B. “I go to this job so I don’t have to put up with my husband hassling me about money all the time.” C. “I go to this job because it [...]

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