Here in California we’re going into our second week of lockdown, otherwise known as shelter-in-place. And already some of us are starting to feel some cabin fever and boredom.
A friend of mine said social distancing had made her hit an emotional wall. People are posting online about feeling antsy and cooped-up, bored and irritable.
In this post, we’re going to learn about three things:
- How to tolerate difficult emotions like boredom
- How to be kind to ourselves when boredom arises
- Something to try the next time you’re bored
How to tolerate difficult emotions
The problem with boredom is not boredom as such, it’s the perception that we have of it—our judgment of it being a bad thing.
And, being the humans that we are, when we deem something is bad, we want to get rid of it right away.
First of all, let’s look at our assumption that boredom is a bad thing. While it may not feel good, research has shown that boredom can enhance our creativity. Being uninterested in external events pushes us inward to dream up ideas and activities that are inventive and stimulating.
I grew up in the beautiful state of Washington. One of the reasons Washington is so beautiful and nicknamed The Evergreen State is that it rains. A lot. Even in the summer.
I remember being a kid on rainy summer days and feeling sooooo bored. After haranguing our mother with complaints of, “I’m bored,”—with the requisite response, “Do you want me to find something for you to do?”—my sister and I would eventually find something to do.
Sometimes we played a game. Other times we made up things like catching a penny off our cocked elbows into our hands. We spent hours at this one day, eventually learning to catch 100 pennies at a time! Do try this at home.
I’m sure you have memories of creating great games when you were bored as a kid, too.
We can use that same process as adults if we become more comfortable with boredom.
Which brings me to the next point.
When we look at the feeling of boredom as a bad thing, we get hooked into trying to get rid of it. Just as trying not to think about something makes you think about it more, trying to get rid of an emotion hooks you into it more.
Of course, we can’t get rid of our emotions. I’m sure you’ve tried, as we all have. Boredom? Get rid of it. Irritation? Boot it. Anger? Kick it to the curb.
Great, you did all those things and none of those emotions ever came back, did they?
Of course they did. And we need all of our emotions, even the ones we don’t like. Have you seen the wonderful movie Inside Out? We learn through the film that we need sadness as well as joy to navigate successfully through life.
Okay, so we can’t get rid of boredom or any other painful emotion. What do we do then?
We learn to tolerate discomfort. We learn to accept* our own experience.
*Important note on acceptance: Just because we accept something doesn’t mean we have to like it. We can accept something and not like it at the same time.
When you’re feeling boredom or any other difficult emotion, be mindful of it. Notice that it’s there and then don’t judge it. So, instead of saying, “I notice I’m feeling bored and that’s a bad thing that needs to go,” merely say, “I notice I’m feeling bored and that’s neither good or bad, right or wrong.”
When we hold an emotion lightly like this, we don’t get hooked into it. It’s almost as if the emotion is on a cloud that we’re letting float back and forth. The emotion is the cloud and we’re the sky, just allowing the clouds to do what they will.
How to be kind to ourselves
Now that we’re allowing boredom to be there without judging it or having to do anything about it, let’s bring out another tool: self-compassion. Because even though we’re not struggling with the emotion, feeling it is still hard!
Sometimes when we’re feeling bored, it’s easy to say, “There must be something wrong with me, I shouldn’t feel this way.”
Would you say this to a friend who said she was experiencing boredom? Probably not. Rather, you might say, “I know, boredom is really hard to tolerate, isn’t it?” And pre- and post-pandemic, you’d give her a hug.
In the same way, you can be kind to yourself about what you’re experiencing.
An action step
Finally, here’s something you can actually do when you’re bored: remind yourself of your values and move toward them.
Is connecting with people one of your values? Hop onto a video platform and have a chat with someone you care about.
Is lifelong learning a value for you? Go to one of the many free educational platforms and take a class. (Google “free online courses.”)
When I found myself with extra time and feeling rather bored and unsure what to do, I reminded myself that helping people is one of my top values. Hence, I returned to the Bounce blog to write what hopefully are helpful articles during the age of the coronavirus.
Values are like the anchor that holds us and the compass that guides us. We just need to ask ourselves, “What’s important to me?” and move in that direction.
I’m sure we can all agree that boredom is no fun. And with most of us sheltering in place, we have a great opportunity to learn how to manage it!
In a nutshell: let it be, be kind to yourself, and remember what’s important to you.
What are some of the ways you’ve dealt with boredom? I’d love to hear them in the comment section below.
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