While the feeling can vary to each individual, psychologically, love by definition is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion and commitment. A universally accepted (and expected) emotion, the weight of its importance to our lives bears out in how we engage with others, see the world, and see ourselves. It is arguably an “existential essential.”
There are different types of love – when we think of the word, most often we first think of romantic relationships. However, friendships and connections with family members, work partners, classmates and other types of relationships – including the most important, self-love, can also be included in the definition.
The question, “what” is love can also be defined by the why. We love because it is part of human nature to seek out and find love. (Very Well Mind, “What is Love, 2020). The impact of love in our lives not only affects us mentally but physical, lowering the risk of heart disease, stress levels, diabetes and heart attacks. To love, improves our quality of life which also impacts those around us.
If you are questioning whether you are experiencing love, the answer can also be defined by what it is not. In her article, ‘Love without Limits, Psychologist, Deborah Anapol said, among other things:
- Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself.
- Love cannot be turned on as a reward. Nor can it be turned off as a punishment.
To the point, she explains, “Love is a force of nature. However much we may want to, we cannot command, demand, or take away love, any more than we can command the moon and the stars and the wind and the rain to come and go according to our whims.”
Once you try to orchestrate it in others, “love” becomes (or begins as) something else that may masquerade as care but will feel more like control.
In all, love is a part of the human experience that helps us with survival, resilience, connection – which we rely on to survive. It may seem like it can sabotage our lives when it goes unseen, or harm us if it is given in an unsafe environment without boundaries, but learning more about our direct connection with love and how we love, can enrich our lives and others.
Sources:
Very Well Mind, “What is Love, 2020
Psychology Today: Deborah Anapol Ph.D., ‘Love Without Limits‘